The Brotherhood's Foundling
by Quorinne
Summary: For once the mutant baby wasn't discovered by the good guys. In a world with little adult supervision and non existent child services can the brotherhood raise a child.
1. Chapter 1

The apocalypse incident had ended two months ago and the situation in Bayville had returned to normal. That is to say both sides of the mutant population have returned to an uneasy coexistence filled with insults and absentee parent figures (On the brotherhoods side at least); the only exception being Lance and Kitty. Despite frequent protests and interventions, the two were still in an on again/off again relationship.

Magneto had disappeared, presumably to do something to better mutant kind in a way that wouldn't put him at odds with his new found treaty with Xavier. Mystique was off licking her wounds somewhere in between her attempts at repairing her relationship with her Children. Gambit had returned from New Orleans and was stalking/dating Rogue; no one was really sure what their deal was. Colossus had recovered his sister Illyana, after Magneto's apparent change of heart, and the two siblings were now living at Xavier's. Pyro, having nowhere else to go, had moved in with the brotherhood. All protests about the fire happy mutant moving in ceased when he began paying rent.

Yes, both sides were currently experiencing a time of peace. Mutant-human relations were at a high point, and fighting was at a low point. In fact this era would be entirely uneventful if not for one small detail approximately 15 inches long weighing 6.4 pounds currently resting amongst the trash in a small unpopular alley. This small detail also had a dirty diaper and glowing purple eyes; which may have had something to do with why it was currently sleeping in that alley.

Infants possessing physical mutations were left to die on more than one occasion. In a few years these children would even have their own slang word. In fact this infant would have likely ended up as an unfortunate statistic if it hadn't started crying at the same time a green amphibious teenage boy had walked past that exact alley.

Todd Tolansky AKA Toad was having a bad day. First Pietro started in on his bathing habits and then his beloved cuddly bumps had thrown him out the window. Forget what Lance said he knew she was just playing hard to get. If that wasn't enough the brotherhood found out that Mystique hadn't finished paying off the mortgage before she took off again. Pyro was floating them enough money to stay for now but refused to pay any more. Apparently he decided that if he had to cough up that much he might as well go get his own place. This meant that the rest of the brotherhood had to go get jobs; and Toad was the only one who hadn't managed to get one yet.

Pietro got some online gig taking surveys and doing book keeping for some overseas company who had no idea he was a mutant or a teenager (thank you bucket head for those lovely fake identification papers); a job he usually finished in about five thanks to his super speed. Lance was working at a mechanics shop that didn't have a problem hiring him as long as the customers didn't know he was a mutant. Freddy was doing what he loved, eating. He had actually been hired as a taste tester for some snack cake company. Wanda was taking her code name to heart and working at some magic shop somewhere she wouldn't tell them; apparently she didn't want visitors. Pyro, to everyone's surprise was a well-known romance novelist and currently in the middle of writing his newest book. And since Toad was the only one left out they decided he had to do all the chores until he started paying rent.

Toad hated doing chores so he had spent nearly every day searching for someplace to work but no one would let him in for an interview. He was convinced it was because he was a mutant but Pietro claimed it was due to his smell. He smelled like a man dammit, it was obviously discrimination. This injustice was what led him to kicking an empty can around on his way home; his newest best friend he decided to name Canny. After one kick too hard the can flew into a nearby alley abandoning the strange boy, leaving him without even that to vent his frustrations on.

Toad decided to forget about the can and just head home. With a depressed sigh he turned his head and took a step away from Canny. Just then he heard a strange sound. It sounded like a baby crying in the alley. But that wasn't right, babies had parents and there wasn't anybody nearby. The sound got louder. Deciding against ignoring the noise he went to check and sure enough there was a small baby mixed in with the trash. For a second Toad thought he must have been wrong, but then the baby opened its eye. There was no pupil sclera or iris; there was only a strange glowing field of purple. It was obviously a mutant, abandoned for its differences. Much like most of his friends had been. Without further thought, Toad picked the baby up and began hopping home. What happened next would be anyone's guess.


	2. Chapter 2

It was not a typical night in the Brotherhood Boarding House. In fact this was the farthest from typical the residents of said house had ever encountered. Random fires shaped like horses or dancing hula girls sure; that happened at least twice a week. Earthquakes centered solely under the building miles away from the nearest fault line; occasionally. Teenage boy shaped frogs flying through windows, well that happened at least twice a day. Babies on the other hand were a completely new experience. The six members of the house were standing around the living room couch in complete silence staring at the newborn. No one spoke a word until suddenly-

"Waaaah-"

"Oh god what's it doing! Wand you're a girl make it stop!" came a panicked shout from Lance

"Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I'm a mother you idiot, quit being sexist." The girl in question scoffed derisively. "It was abandoned, it's probably hungry. Pietro! Go to the store and grab formula."

"What! Why do I have to go?" Pietro protested. "Make someone else"

"No one else can get there as fast! Now go before I hex you!" The boy didn't bother complaining a second time; he sped off only to return moments later with a diaper bag full of baby things.

"Here's the stupid formula." He shoved the bag at his sister "I grabbed some other stuff too. I'm not going back a second time. And I hope you didn't expect me to pay for it so don't complain about stolen goods."

"Why would I care, It's not like we're X-men. Blob! Go and make the bottle, and try to follow the directions. If not cleaning up after it if it gets sick." She said while rummaging through the diaper bag. After a moment she pulled out a can of formula and a box of baby wipes. "Now, who knows how to change a diaper?"

Wanda rolled her eyes as every other member of the house and averted their eyes and tried to look inconspicuous. "Fine I'll do it myself. Lance, I need you go to my room and grab the throw blanket off my bed as well as the laundry basket near my closet. Just dump the clothes on the floor."

"Right, be back soon. Have fun with the diaper." He nodded and ran upstairs.

At that moment Freddie came with the bottle. "Here I followed the directions like it said. Two scoops and I checked to make sure it wasn't too hot."

Just to be safe Wanda checked herself. For once someone actually did something right. Setting the bottle aside she started changing her, apparently the baby was female. Wanda then noticed that the baby had a pretty nasty rash. Probably because no one had ever bothered changing her after the first one was put on judging by the very full diaper. "Someone throw this out!" She shouted, Pyro grabbed it out of her hands cackling as he muttered something about 'revenge' and 'neighbors'. I don't even want to know. Pietro do you have any rash ointment? She's got a rash."

"There should be some in the bag, hold on a sec." He started digging around in the bag only to come out with a small tube and some baby powder. "Here, I'm pretty sure you're supposed to use both."

"Thanks." Wanda applied the ointment and powder and finished putting on the new diaper before picking her up and giving her the bottle. "There, now that she's finally quiet, what the Hell? You found her in an Alley?" She asked in a confused tone.

"Yeah, I was headed home and I heard her cry. Someone dumped her there. She'd probably be dead by morning if I hadn't gone that way." He tried putting his hand around Wanda while she was distracted. Just a second later a hex bolt sent him flying towards the stairs, nearly causing him to crash into Lance as he returned with the basket and blanket.

"Did Toad try and touch her again?" Lance asked Pietro

Her brother scoffed. "Idiot never learns. So." He turned to the rest of the group "What are we going to do with her? Turn her in?"

"That's a bad idea." Said Lance with a frown. "The foster system sucks if they think you're human. It'll be worse for kids with obvious mutations. She won't last a week."

"Xavier's then? They'll take her right?" Wanda asked.

"Yeah, they will." Lance said before pausing. "Why them? They can't do anything we can't."

"Yeah, we can do it even better!" Freddie shouted joining Lance in protest. "They'll just turn her into another X-Geek!"

"Hey I found her and I say no X-Geeks!" Toad recovered from his earlier trip in time to add his two cents.

"She isn't a pet you idiots! We don't know how to take care of a baby. Xavier's had adults with experience in child care. She's better off with them. We can't keep her. Now stop yelling before she starts crying again." Wanda told them as the baby finished the bottle and started falling asleep. "Someone, not Toad, I don't want slime on my blanket. Set the blanket inside the basket so we can use it as a crib."

"Oh, I see." Said Lance slowly with a small smirk. "You think Jean Grey can do a better job than you. Well I guess that makes sense. I mean, most of us haven't even got a GED and Grey can do just about anything."

Wanda tensed. It was a well-known fact among the brotherhood that Wanda hated the older girl. There wasn't really any reason to it. Jean just made her angry. It could have been the air of perfection or the happy family life but Wanda hated her. She could get along with Rogue, hell she could even talk classic literature with Kitty but Jean made her blood boil. It was seldom pushed button because it always led to an angry Wanda but damn if it didn't work.

As soon as Lance finished talking Pietro knew it was a done deal. He didn't bother adding his vote just shook his head and headed up stairs as Wanda abruptly changed her mind.

"Don't be an idiot! Of course I can do anything that prissy little brat can. We're keeping her. Now clean this place up. It can't stay this dirty with a baby around, she'll get sick!"

Lance and Toad high Fived as Wanda took the baby, basket and all, upstairs to her room. It occurred to her, as she set the basket on her bed, that they were probably breaking a few laws by not turning her in. They were going to have to get some paperwork for her, especially since there was very little chance of the X-men just standing by while they illegally raised a baby. A few minutes of googling later and Wanda informed her brother that they were going on a field trip to the hospital tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

Wanda's solution was decided by what Lance had said yesterday. After a quick google search she had everything she needed to know about registering an at home birth and was about to become a teenage mother. This was not something she would ordinarily do, however the only thing she could think about was how perfect Jean Grey would be at raising a baby. Her mental state was not helped by the fact that the baby woke her up four times during the night wanting food or needing to be changed.

So mind filled with sleep and anger Wanda woke her brother early and began dragging him out of the house when they ran into Pyro.

"What are you two doing? Why do you have a baby?"

"Toad found her last night don't you remember? You set her diaper on fire and threw it at the Johnson's house." Pietro told him. "We're headed to the hospital so Wanda can do something to register as her mother. Mostly so the X-men can't have her."

"Ah, right on. Can I come?"

"Just hurry up!" Wanda snapped irritably.

After borrowing Lance's jeep (He had no clue) the group arrived at the hospital with the baby and informed the woman at the counter that she needed to register her daughter's birth. A few hex bolts later and they were filling out paperwork. As soon as she looked at the first line she realized they had been overlooking something, her name. For all the brotherhood had already decided to keep her they hadn't even though about a name.

Apparently Pietro realized the same thing. "Hey Wanda, what are you naming her?"

"It's traditional to name a child after family isn't it?" She asked

"Yeah, it is. So then…?"

"I'm naming her Magda."

"Isn't that a bit old fashioned?"

"So is Wanda. What's your point Pietro?"

"Don't actually have one. What about her middle name?"

"Does she need one?"

"No but it's traditional."

"What sounds good with Magda Maximoff?"

"What about Marie?"

"Too many M's in the initials. Anna?

"It's already taken. What about Claire?"

"Hate it. What other Romani names can you think of?"

"Romani names really? I know Mom was a gypsy but isn't that a bit over kill."

"It's my baby Pietro now shut up think."

"What about naming her after Grandma?"

"Name her after Grandma?"

"Yeah, she was our mom's mom. Wasn't her name Anya?"

"Is it Romani?"

"Don't know or care but it's still traditional."

"Fine, Magda Anya Maximoff it is."

The baby started crying after Wanda finished filling everything out. Handing the stack of papers to the boys she told them to turn it in while she changed the baby.

"Well that's not right! The Sheila didn't finish. She left out the father." stated Pyro looking at the documents.

"Who exactly is supposed to be the father? I'm her brother, Toad and Blob are disgusting and Lance is dating that X-Geek."

"I know!" he shouted grabbing a pen and filling in the blank space. "Every baby needs two parents. Oprah says it's important for the father to be involved."

When Pietro noticed he filled in his own name he was about to protest but decided otherwise. It was none of his business and if Wanda got angry he was going to deny knowing anything.

Now normally registering a birth was nowhere near this easy, thankfully though Wanda's mutant gift was the ability to alter probability. Basically she warped reality until she got her way. So once everything was filed the group spent another few minutes getting the babies footprint done for the birth certificate. That part was done by a doctor who now had zero probability of asking questions.

Wanda wouldn't discover what John had done until the birth certificate showed up in the mail two weeks later.

Once they finished at the hospital Pietro was all set to head home, but Wanda had other plans.

"We can't keep using a laundry basket as a crib Pietro, and she needs a car seat and a stroller. Babies require special furniture and it's all too big to steal."

"Then what about that thrift store near the school, it's not nearly as expensive."

"No. They don't have anything but crap and the guy who works the counter is a prejudiced dick."

"But Wanda-"

"Shut up Pietro! She's not getting hand me downs from a bunch of mutant hating flat scans! Now drive."

Twenty minutes later they were parked in front of Bayville Mall and arguing over how they were going to afford to buy everything.

"We don't have enough money if we want to pay the mortgage this month Wanda."

"Well babies need things Pietro. The other guys will just have to kick down a little more. This was their idea."

The two had been going back and forth with the same argument since they left the hospital, completely ignoring John in the backseat miming their argument with figures mad out of fire. It wasn't until he started making noise that they even remembered he was there.

"OH! Oh! Oh! I can help! Pick me! Pick me!" She started shouting waving his arm in the air like a grade school student.

"What." Wanda snapped

"I can pay for it." He said with a grin

"You can…Really?" Pietro replied a little uncertain

"Sure I like babies. There squishy and don't scream when I set things on fire."

"You never volunteer to buy things." Said Pietro

"That's because I don't like most of you; the baby and your sister are exceptions. We're family now after all!"

"How are we family?" Wanda asked annoyed. "I don't remember seeing you at the dinner table growing up."

"Isn't it obvious? It because now we have a baby to-" As soon as Pietro saw where the topic was headed he rushed out of the driver's seat and clamped his hand over John's mouth

"What he means is that since we all have a baby to take care of he's going to help out a little more. Really sis you shouldn't get him started. This guy will just talk all day if you let him."

Wanda looked a bit suspicious but decided to just let it go for the sake of free stuff.

The mall had one of those giant baby store chains where you buy everything in one afternoon. Wanda ordered them both to grab a cart as they walked in. What followed was the most hellish experience either one of them had ever endured. Wanda would point and order them to load heavy pieces of furniture in the carts as she grabbed soft squishy toys and baby clothes.

By the end of the trip they had grabbed everything she thought they could possibly need and both boys were exhausted. After paying for the purchases (John cried at the price) the loaded everything into the Jeep where Wanda once again used hex bolts to make things work. She altered the probability of everything staying in place and they all drove home after Magda was seated in her new car seat.


	4. Chapter 4

Wanda had commandeered Mystique's old room. She hadn't lived with them in months and after she stopped paying the mortgage no one really wanted her back. She set up Magda's crib near her bed. It was one of those princess style bassinet's with a full skirt in a light purple color.

It wasn't really her style but she wanted to spoil her new daughter. There was also a matching changing table and armoire made out of a dark stained cherry wood. There were soft stuffed animals and cloth toys for her to play with as she got bigger as well. After the bedroom was set up and everything was put away Wanda bathed Magda and dressed her in a pink onesie that read 'My Mutant Power Is My Cuteness' a surprising find in the stores bargain bin. Apparently mutant paraphernalia wasn't that popular amongst the human shoppers. She was determined to find more like it.

After locking her new room Wanda made her way downstairs to fix Magda's bottle. Her shift at 'New Moon' started in an hour and she needed to find a babysitter that wasn't Toad. Until he started taking daily baths he wasn't allowed within five feet of the baby.

Pietro was on a date and Lance was at work. Freddie was somewhere unknown and the only one left in the house was John.

"Pyro, get out here now!" She shouted from the kitchen.

He ran into the room talking a mile a minute. "It wasn't me I tell you! Toad did it or maybe Blob, but it definitely wasn't done by me. Any signs of fire damage and it's a frame job!"

"What are you going on about now? What fire damage?" If he burned down the TV one more time she was going to alter the probability of his bones liquefying.

"Nothing if that's not what you're yelling about. So why'd you call?"

Normally she'd press harder but she really did need to get to work. "You're watching Magda I have to work."

"Eh? Well I'm kind of busy right-"

"You're. Watching. Magda."

"Right then, I'm watching Magda."

"Glad you agreed. Now, she just finished eating so she'll probably take a nap soon. I left instructions on the counter. If Toad gets back he's not allowed to touch her unless he bathes first. No loud noises while she's asleep and if I find out there had been an open flame anywhere near her I'll-"

"Liquefy my bones?" He guessed. It had been one of her favorite threats lately.

"Glad you understand. Now I'll be back at seven if something goes wrong call me."

"Got it."

After handing Magda over Wanda left for work; not knowing the insanity that was about to take place in the near future.

Wanda had left three hours ago. Things had been pretty boring since then. Magda had slept for a while, then woke up briefly with a dirty diaper. After that had been changed (And promptly set alight where it was then flung into the neighbors roses) she had fallen back to sleep quickly, where she slumbered peacefully for an hour more.

Now she was awake and hungry. John was nervous. If he messed up the bottle and burned her his bones would melt and not in a fun fire related way. This meant that for once he was going about heating something up carefully and slowly. A little too slowly if the babies reaction was anything to go by. She hadn't stopped screaming since she woke up. John was doing his best to sooth her with funny voices but it didn't seem to be working. Suddenly an apple flew at his head; but that was impossible. Magda was the only one in the room and she couldn't have thrown it from her sleeper seat near the counter. He was about to brush it off completely when the apple was joined by the oranges, half rotten bananas and even the fruit bowl.

Now while it is rare some infants are born with a fully realized X gene. This means that unlike those other children who have to wait until puberty these special children can already use their mutant powers. Magda was one such child. She was also stressed and hungry with no concept of control this meant that following the fruit bowl baby Magda let loose a torrent of telekinetic powers in the kitchen of the Brotherhood boarding house. Cutlery and dished flew everywhere and John quickly realized who the culprit was.

Thankfully while he may have been insane he was smart enough to realize that she was only doing this because she was hungry. He solved that problem by finishing the bottle and feeding her. Once she started eating everything fell to the floor, including the cabinet doors.

When everyone returned home that night they assumed Pyro was lying to displace the blame. Thankfully their loud voices woke up Magda who in return sent the lamp through the TV.

Over the next few weeks the group completely baby proofed the entire house. All kitchen knives were locked in a stainless steel cash vault which was then locked inside a sturdy Oak cabinet with six different locks holding it shut. Thankfully Freddie took Wood Shop as an elective while he attended Bayville High.

The rest of the dishes were sold to a second hand shop and replaced with plastic alternatives. Every door that could be opened gained an eight inch iron bolt latch and combination lock. They had tried the normal child proofing tactics but they barely slowed her down. Thankfully it seemed as though she had stare at something in order to move it so they didn't have to child proof any of the bedrooms besides Wanda's. There was also some reprieve in when her powers would act up. While she was nearly constantly amusing herself with floating trinkets she only seemed to cause mass destruction when she was upset. Therefore the most common method of everyone's approach to Magda seemed to be making her Happy.

This had a pleasant side effect on Toad's hygiene. Apparently due to a combination of Wanda's threats and Magda's dislike of his smell Toad began having regular baths with soap and water. While he still looked like a Toad he now smelled almost clean. He still didn't have any better chance with Wanda though. Something she made abundantly clear on one of his daily flying trips through the second floor window.

The brotherhood had quickly adjusted to having baby Magda in the house. It became common place to absentmindedly step around a floating book or push aside an airborne abject. Arguments while still frequent became quieter and were taken outside in an effort to keep the baby calm.

Pietro had the usual baby siting duty while Wanda was at work, when he was busy Pyro would take over. He had actually used Magda as inspiration to write a series of children's books geared towards Mutants, while they weren't very popular amongst the human markets they did have a solid fan base amongst mutant children and Wanda loved reading them to Magda.

Lance along with Toad were both apparently awful with children and couldn't be left alone in the room with her without supervision.

Blob on the other hand seemed really excited about the baby and started getting into the whole organic baby market. He even started a chemical free garden in the back yard he planned on using the vegetables to make a healthy baby food for when Magda was ready eat solid food.

Yes, the weeks passed quickly in the Hood House. Time moved along peacefully and routinely until a certain birth certificate came in the mail.

The screams could be heard throughout the neighborhood as the Scarlet Witch made her rage known. She only calmed down when her brother pointed out that as the apparent father Pyro was now forced to pay child support.


End file.
